Field Notes No. 3

Last night……

I go out a little bit early to do chores. The sheep follow me to the barn, into their night time pen. Except Ace. I looked EVERYWHERE for an hour, even in the thunder and lightening as more storm comes in. We’ve gotten 5.5” of rain in 72 hours. We also have karst “soil” out here which means it’s just rock with about 2” of dirt on top. Needless to say we’ve been experiencing flash floods and all kinds of drama around. So, I immediately imagine the worst- Ace has been swept away in some kind of flash flood while grazing in the pastures. Is this likely? No. But does my brain go there? OF COURSE 🤦🏼‍♀️. I also imagine he is slowly being devoured by coyotes. I cried myself to sleep last night, because even after driving around most of the ranch, calling with the spotlight, no sign of Ace.

I told my husband if something happened to him, I was done with sheep. Maybe that sounds like a quitter and overly dramatic. Well, it’s not, because that isn’t the usual response from me AT ALL. I’m typically very rational, I’ll dig in like a mule out of spite when I’m set to do something, I tell others experiencing livestock loss “if you have livestock, sometimes you also have deadstock”. And I truly believe that. But THIS ram lamb is from my all time favorite sheep, Pansy. She and I had this special bond. And Pansy tragically died in February after lambing. I had gotten to milk her a total of 3 times, and she had the best udders I’ve ever milked on any sheep. So I’ve bottle fed Ace from 3 days old. In the house, he slept next to his dog. He’s mostly house trained. He’s not just “livestock”- he and I have a very special bond because of this tragedy. He’s like a dog and prefers the company of humans and dogs to sheep. My ENTIRE #assafsheep breeding program hangs on Ace too. Yes, I have another ram, but he’s not near the sheep or from the production lines as Ace.

So with Ace lost, I feared dead, my entire program suddenly went up in smoke. I’d decided to sell every sheep I owned if he was gone- like that would be my sign this thing just isn’t for you. Begrudgingly I trudged down to the barn this am when I saw the dogs appear down there at 9a. I swore I heard a sheep baa off in the pasture. It made me sad. I was sure I’d imagined that. Then I heard it again! And a little louder again! I saw the neighbor’s llamas across the fence. I frowned, thinking it must be them. Maybe they learned a new noise. I fed my little bottle goat, and heard a definite sheep baa once more. I yelled “Ace!!!!”, threw down the goat bottle I’d been holding, and ran down the path in the woods toward the noise. There he was, right as rain, in the big llama pasture at the neighbor’s! I hopped the fence and Ace followed me to their gate about 1/4 mile or so the opposite direction of the barn and my chores. We walked back to the house together and sat on the porch, reveling in our rescue. I thanked God the entire walk home for bringing Ace back to me and keeping him safe in the wild last night. Ace is not an “outdoors” kind of sheep exactly.

So, Ace got an “AirTag”. It’s the 19th century version- an antique ram bell. I’m pretty sure last evening he followed the LGD under the fence to swim in the neighbor’s water trough…..because you know, neighbor water troughs are magical, even though they’re exactly the same as yours 🤦🏼‍♀️😂 Likely he lost track of time and the dog while eating grass. It makes sense, because neither dog seemed worried about a missing sheep. I think it’s because he was never missing the whole time! They knew exactly where he was and that he was safe. From the tracks I saw this am, one of them probably slept with Ace last night in the woods.

The moral of the story is…… well, I guess it’s that you’re ALLOWED to feel intense emotions about your animals. Even if they’re “livestock”. You’re allowed to decide that there’s a line in the sands of tragedy that is just too far, and it’s just too much. I grew up being told you just have to “tough it out”, not cry, don’t show emotion, “win” at any cost, even if it ruined relationships and your health, “don’t be a quitter”. Well you know what? That is the most unhealthy thing I’ve ever heard and lived. It’s true, if you quit you can’t ever succeed, but you also have to use common sense and know that there’s a stopping point that will be your sign it’s time to pivot. Maybe that stack of agricultural tragedy never comes (I hope it doesn’t), and you get to keep on your planned path. But know, if it doesn’t turn out that way, and you have to chase a new thing or start over from scratch- either way it isn’t giving up. I’m glad I didn’t have to give up my dream of #dairysheep or #mavericksheepco but if this thing had turned out differently, it isn’t like I planned on moving to town! 😂 #storytime #happyending